Give me time, time alone, peace and tranquility like I had missed, solitude that I had bittered through once and what do you get?
Perfect recipe for me to really make myself seat down and read books. The book that I held for hours, captivated me chapter after chapter. It was a present from Shufen for me to bring over to Australia to read. The book is truly touching, indirectly telling me a lot of things. I'll treasure it together with all its teachings.
I also had time to think about many things. It was also pretty strange to have my handphone all gone quiet after what I had to do for the past 2 weeks, except for a little exchanges from an unexpected new found friend.
A lot of things have haven't, both good and bad. More of bad. Though nobody knew anything, excluding my fellow working colleagues, it was a tough time alright. Blame no one but myself, I brought it upon myself. Of course I did trouble certain people because of that, and I'm truly sorry, to every and single individual.
Because of that, I've changed yet again. My dreams, goals and priorities of course still remains. Slowly but surely, opening up my thoughts and feelings to the world. The appropriate time, friends and some encouragement would ease that passage surely. However, it's not easy doing that after mastering the art and skill since I was young.
Last year, during the period of returning from Australia and to entering OCS, I felt lost and empty. Tried to seek help, but wasn't sure who to get from. Eventually, my second sister told me that The Bible would have what I was seeking. Surely my most dearest family of mine wouldn't lead my astray! I borrowed my first sister's bible and my search began.
From the start till I came across the whole few pages of which individual having which son, the search ended. "Perhaps this hole fell under the category of religion?" I thought. So I started making trips to the library and read all about it. Until I realised I was acutally a Atheist from the start, rather than a free thinker. But I'm actually not that too. Confused?
Haha, well it all began when I was first born, together with my two elder sisters. We were born into a buddhist family, because of my dad and mom. But both of them (my sisters) converted to Christianity at around 16-21 years old and so left me. All this while, I didn't believe in any 'God' and believed myself to be a free thinker. However, out of due respect to my parents, especially my dad, I still did all the practices that Buddhism require them of.
So that was a year ago, me being a Atheist. However that has changed. Now I do believe in the existence of a 'God', and together with 'him' comes with the 'Devil'. Which was derived because of this philosophy I always have, Balance. To have good, there must be evil. Just like white and black, up and down, rich and poor, smart and dumb etc. This 'God', is actually the same one, just that he is being worshipped differently by the different people of earth, like Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, so on and forth.
I believe man started off as a small colony, living together and worshipping the same 'God'. When they split up and migrated to other areas, they adapted to the various conditions according to the place they settled down on. As time passed and the religious teachings were passed from generations to generations, the interpretions of 'God' naturally changed and thus having so many races and religions as of today.
After all that, I felt much better, and thus did not pursued into the problem. But it still remained unsolved, and that means it'll come back to haunt me again. I'll deal with it when it resurfaces, at least now I know where I stand now, having seen so many people with religions and myself having none in the past.
Anyway, just a quick update ever since I wrote the last time:
Friday 25/08:
Presented Airmanship and did Gfet Profile 3. Enduring 40s of 6g's and the multiple peaks of 4, 5, 4, 5 & 6g's. Glad I cleared it with very good comments from Dr Najib, but still he said I need better muscle tensing. Joe Cole cleared 8g's, congratulations man!
Thursday 24/08:
Had halfday leave to go take my driving test. And I'm proud to tell everyone that I too cleared it on the first try and with 6points! Failure to keep a safe distance from hazards eh? Wonder where that came from. Car was 205, test route 9 and test was at 1150.
I also made a new friend, May Chen, from the driving test! We kinda hit off quite well, especially after she passed the most difficult test route, 7! I was very proud of her, having cleared it as I had numerous training and experience on that test route. While waiting and stuff, it was nice to have each other's company. She also stayed somewhere the journey I had to make to go home, so we took the same bus!
Monday - Wednesday 21/08 - 23/08:
Give back lecture for all three days. Good refresher of all our ground school work.
Went out with Wang Roan on Wednesday, had a nice dinner at Cineleisure's pasta mania and watched American Haunting. As quoted from her, I need to ask this question to my audience:
"Do I look or give the impression that I
like to watch horror movies?"
*PS* If you watch horror movies with people just to see their reaction when they freak out, you'll be thoroughly disappointed with me! =p
This is one thing all should know, as much as I can do so much for friends, paying money to getting myself excited in the wrong ways, i.e. watching horror movies, is totally not my style! And she's not the first to ask to accompany her watch it. I have several other girl friends who used to do that too! -.-
Sunday 20/08:
Had my last driving lesson (hopefully) at 8am, instructor complaining me of being overconfident, as he said I could execute everything well but tend to take things for granted. Small things like signalling, checking blind spots and sometimes failing to stop at the stop line! Goodness!
Met up with Hwaee after so long. Played pool at Parkway, however got owned big time by her. The last time we both played together, I practically clear the 9 ball game after she break the set. It was nice seeing her again, accompanying her to shop for some stationary and shampoo after that.
Saturday 19/08:
Driving lesson was kinda smooth, just that my parallel parking seemed to be always quite near to the inside curb, don't know why. It was kinda risky because there would be a higher chance to mount it when attempting to turn out. Spent some time at home, illustrating to myself what could be done. The instructor that took me was Mr Anthony Kwan, who was also my first when I started to learn.
Tuesday - Friday 15/08 - 18/08:
RCGC period, where my OCS batch received their swords and soon to be officers this coming september. What about me, still waiting to serve my professional term. I didn't mind doing all those work to help out the graduation ceremony, because all of them were my friends from AirWing. Just felt a little sad, somehow.
My job was a road marshaller, so Warrant Sim and I, together with Kailin was standing under the hot evening sun, ushering cars, checking their invitation cards and traffic in our no. 3 with peak caps. Stood from 1630 till 1830, felt a little feverish all that. Even after the ceremony, we had to use lights and stuffs to usher them out from the car park to the main road, by then my legs were a little weak. But I took it a training, a good one too. Plus I had some suntanning, haha.
Even my jie say I so poor thing, and also I look like police man with my cap on, yellow vest and glove on me!
We cleared up everythin in the mess, and ate pizza as part of our dinner. I was famished the whole day, never had to eat since one plus in Elvis's home. Kelvin gave Alvin and I a lift to the main road and we took our own cabs home. It was pretty late by then, and I was surprised that the fare only cost me $5.20. Sweet!
Other than that, I also had driving lessons for my upcoming test, all after working hours. $68 instead of the usual $58... Ouch!
Sunday - Monday 13/08 - 14/08:
At first it started really great. Until that someone had to make her so upset. I was really freaked out. As much as I tried, I've failed to persuade her out of it. Disappointed at myself. Had 2hours of sleep, high on adrenaline during work and dead once home. But I still went out. All for a good purpose.
Sigh... Why does everyone seems to be having relationship problems. One look at msn nicks, one look at my close friends, one look at the smses I receive...
For all those who want to get rich, ask yourself this million dollar question, like the last question of Who Wants to be a Millionaire:
"How can you help people better than how its done now with more efficiency?"
I know what I do best, what there's only one me, not enough to help all. Until I depart, I'll do my best...
What will the future hold for them after that?
Tuesday 01/08 - Saturday 12/08:
Never will I want to record it down here. Its all in the past now.
Learn from my mistake, move on, look
forward and fulfill my dreams!