I envy no man, becos I got to soar the skies and taste true freedom...

Monday:

Boxing Day, a time for tons of EPL matches, and here I am going back to camp. Ironic. Luckily my dad gave me a lift, felt bad about it but had no choice. Had to report very early, and the trains aren't up early enough for me.

Dad got a little lost, going to Pasir Laba camp instead (old OCS). Reached camp at a surprising 0640. Unpacked a little, then to pt kit and fall in.

Got an introduction to the school's gym, which is very new and a refresher course on CPT 1 and the new CPT 3. Feeling sleepy and tired. Just thinking about coming back on a public holiday turns one off.

A quick bathe and a lecture on CMR by LTA Yew. The 'Z' monster was devestating. Lunch was like a ghost town, only Charlie and Hotel booked in, what crap.

Another lecture, this time on the Risk Evaluation stuff and also the Training Safety Regulations. MAJ Shahrumi is a understanding person, able to handle this bunch of low morale, tired soldiers. His method is much better compared to jumping jacks and push-ups. We also had a surprise open book test. It was quite tough becausr it wasn't easy finding the answers from a thick file.

After dinner, we were given time to pack our field bag, so the airforce people gathered together to standardise among ourselves, kinda nice yeah. Lucky!

Five more days, before I'm home bound again, wondering what awaits the next few days. Before I fell asleep, I thought about some things. And I finally figured out what my nightmare is al about. The one that keeps haunting me ever since young, and for your information its not ghosts chasing after me or something. Come to think of it, it all now makes perfect sense. Sad isn't it?

Tuesday:

Fall in just to force down a bottle of water, someone vomitted and we returned back to our bunks to clean it up.

0700 marked the time for the briefing of our 4km Endurance Training. I think why I still did pretty alright was because of this instructor just tagging behind me all the way, shouting at those infront of me who started walking. At the last stretch, I ran with Zi Hao and pushed and encouraged him till the finish line.

Went to the CAI room to do our Navigation tutorials 1-5, pretty easy I guess, thanks to that someone who taught me, also because geography was part of the syllabus back in college.

A long lunch (finally), a short break back at the wing, before heading back to yet another lecture on leadership, this time concerning discipline. Had several section dicussions and flicks of Band of Brothers.

Went back to the CAI room to complete our G50, which mine was already mostly done, all thanks to Angie! I couldn't log in intially, so for a moment I thought maybe I came to the wrong place?

Dinner was short, then a long standy-by field pack items and off to sleep. I remember ko once asked the band people , "Do you want to go to OCS?" And the trick to this question is that most people want to go because its prestigious, hounourable and stuff, is that he would ask to go as RP or cleaner! It was funny, at that time. With me being here, I realise that coming to OCS has many other reasons too, like driver (rover/tonner) or MP or storeman or clerk or medic or even the cookhouse people! So when people say they're from OCS, make sure of their more specific job scope! =p Nitez.

Wednesday:

I was praying that we didn't had to do another lap on the run, luckily, we didn't have too. Phew -.-"! Finally we had our breakfast in the cookhouse, this time there will be sufficient for all! And I'm surprised to see fishball noodles being served! OCS is really a class of its own, no fight.

Managed to squeeze in a bathe despite the short time given, admin attire with boots, kinky man! Just like being half naked with SBO on. Had lecture for the Chemical Defence Package from 8am all the way to lunch time. Tried on the gas mask for the first time, only after breathing through it for a substancial amount of time, then would you appreciate the air we breathe is truly splendid. I'm serious. So don't take things for granted.

Having completed it very quickly, we had some admin time. Went to the e-mart for the first time to grab an extra pair of pt shoes needed to pack into my field bag. First platoon for lunch too! No need for long queues!

Next up was the practical part of the CDP, where we were taught how to suit up into the different MOPP levels, 0-4 and also the different drills like IA, drinking, canister changing, buddy aid, etc. The suit was thick and hot, smelt like the flight suit when we just draw from the stores. It was pretty fun, especially Jonathan showing me his wrinkled face with the hood on without the mask.

The buddy aid part really hit the spot, with the instructor demostrating on one of our guys, where the actual drill involved the penetration of a 4inch needle. He was so scared that he screamed and shouted even though there was nothing at all! When it came to practice, that irritating Jonathan, I'll get my revenge back!

A refreshing bathe after that hot and stuffy session, short trip to the emart again to get the size of my shoes right, western dinner withWei Siong getting a super big piece of meat! We were like all envious, even the uncle also stunned to see it so big. LoL.

Made it back to wing line before the rain got really heavy. Section 1 gathered at the kitchenette to practice our canister changing drill, pretty excited about the real thing. Get to feel how TS Gas feels especially using it a lot while playing Swat 4. Oh by the way, TS stands for tear gas.

Some quality time to sit down at my desk, looking out of the window with the rain coming down in numbers, with a dark blue sky. Actually feeling pretty good of my platoon, putting in the effort to be a little early, which makes out instructors happy with us.

Whipped out my music and the Kenshin songs reminded me of the figurines I saw the other day at WheelLock Place. Couldn't really decide on getting it because I was more concerned about the present she needed, pretty cool but I'm not really that kind of people who has all that. Oh well.

Briefed by Hotel's PC1 on the Parents' Visit Day, can see that they have thought well about it. Gave a call to my parents regarding the details, looking forward to it.

Thursday:

Fall in with MOPP Zero, kinda stupid isn't? But orders are orders, bringing the IPE suit to the cookhouse is lame, especially with the kinky admin attire with combat boots. My section was lucky enough to take the tonner to Pasir Laba Camp as fatigue warriors. It was the first time I stepped out of game during office hours.

We set up the water point and awaited the rest to march here. I was retail 6's ic, retail by retail, sent to the chamber. Once in MOPP 4, we look like some nuclear waste cleaners or chemical/biological warriors, quite unusual though. Walking in it was like astronauts in their space suits, skipping around on the moon.

Found myself in the chamber, did the 5 exercises, then the canister change. Panicked a little and I breathed some of it. Before removing our masks, the instructors put on a new tablet. First in the line, I was tapped and I proceeded on as tasked. With the smoke directly blown into my face, I shouted, "Officer Cadet Cheng..., NIRC S86... REPORTING SIR!"

As calmly as I could, I exited, where I can feel the effects of the chemicals. Face and eyes burning, tears naturally came out and mucus started to form in my nose. Exposure to the atmosphere, it started to wear off, and I could see the rest of my retail people coming out one by one in the same condition as me. Haha, I was laughing at them, the expression is something you won't get to see in others especially guys. Lucky I was the ic so I came out first.

As the ic, when I wanted to report strength requesting permission to return to the training shed, the instructors played a trick on me. With three of them together, they asked me who I needed to report to. So I just had to guess, probabilty of getting right is one-third right? But no, it was actually LTA Isaac Ho, who was not one of them. Darn! The toilet was once again back to the forest, just like the old times, upstream and downstream? =p

A brief orientation of the area, the new SISPEC school, rambutan hill and NTU just a short distance away, we marched back to wing line, crossing the magnificient Link Bridge, morale extremely high. Had to bathe properly in order to remove all the chemicals.

Nasi Briyani for lunch hit the spot! Back to CAI for Navigation Tutorials 5-9, pretty easy and also learned several new stuffs. Totally Top Secret, true true. A little back on schedule because of some slow learners, we ran back in our no. 4s and a 12min change to pt kit.

A session of interval training. A total of 9laps to do, on the 7th lap, somebody (I don't know who) shoved me from side and I tripped onto the divider (the raised thing between the track and the grass), my right foot sprained inwards, left knee cut and I spinned two revolutions before springing up to meet the timing. One of my airforce friend said he was running behind me and when I got up, we were side by side to cross the finishing line, I myself couldn't believe that too.

With determination, I ran/limped the last two laps. As time passed, my injury got worse. First was severe limping, then the ice packs on my leg (my leg really went numb because of the cold). Next I found myself on the safety rover, dependent on others' support to travel. The rest of the night was just me lying on the icy cold floor of my bunk, with an ice pack on my leg which was raised on a pail.

When it got a little less pain, managed to take a shower by wrapping my leg in plastic bag so the bandage won't get wet, just like once in BMT. It was really painful that I couldn't fall asleep at all, that really sucked.

Friday:

Woke up in pain, much worst than yesterday. Could hardly walk, all thanks to Brian and Chee Hean for helping me, aiding in my walking, helping me get food and stuff. All morning, I laid on bed, resting, waiting for time pass so I could go see the MO, who only arrives at 8am.

Limped to the medical centre, met Meng Siong (old Victorain) and chatted with him. The doctor was impressive, just by asking me to do some postures and he could tell what's wrong. Gave me 5days excuse lower limb and panadols (seems like any and everything also anyhow give). A left knee bandage by a merticulous and gentle medic and off I go.

On my back, saw my wing guys, LTA Isaac Ho saw me and told me about the things I missed in the morning. Saw my platoon guys too, kinda disappointing I missed out on the activities. Returned to my bunk to rest more, as instructed by the MO. They came back around 11plus, and I went lunch together with them. Got sandles from the emart (to fit a bandaged ankle) and cut my hair (on the way).

They all went outfield for the navigation exercise, and I was all alone back at wing line. It was boring and stuff. Half of them came back for dinner and left again. They return in two waves at around 10/11 plus in the night. A mass area cleaning and washing up of the equipment, total havoc. Because of tomorrow's visit, everything was rushed and stuff. Got it quite badly, only turned in at around 0115, and had to wake up at the same time on Saturday.

2:44 pm;

Monday:

Going into OCS was just like enlisting into BMT, the feeling of 'siansation'. But this time its slightly better. I always wanted to come here, worked hard in BMT, but now the situation is a little different.

Having lost some physical condition, it was somehow hard to begin with. At least try to make it through the first week? *Crossing fingers*

Safti MI is a really big place, we were oriented around it by jogging in our super skimpy pt kit. Other than the usual 'knock-it-down' here and there, everything pretty fine. A step at a time, would bring me closer to the final destination, with less worries and anxiety.

Tuesday:

Back to the usual 0545 fall in, the good old days. Pt a bit 'xiong', especially the part where we had to hold our legs up in the air while lying down. Pushup also can feel the strain from yesterday's counts. 'Nuai' already...

Half-naked, we did pt and went for a short jog, around 1.5km. It was still okie I guess. Still can manage. I also got my pt shirt exchanged to a XL, LoL, with all that rushing to fall in. Also had to drink from someone else's bottle.

Had a short MO briefing, both the army and navy people came for recruitment talks. PTI talk was a bit crazy, just totally spoilt the whole day. Changing sides and unable to count strength quickly enough.

Dinner took 10mins, platoon 1 got whacked pretty badly as I watched from the bunk. Tomorrow's 5metre confidence jump and tower would be pretty terrifying, slept at 2130, reverly would be 0500.

Wednesday:

Great TURN-OUT! At 4am man... I forgot to mention they took our watches and handphones last night. The reason was a fire drill, me and my buddy, Timothy, stayed in our room as LTA Ang told us to, being casualties? Lucky I guess, they got it downstairs...

The 5metre jump seemed short from the stadium, but long when I took the plunge. All I know was to get to the surface when I landed inside, do it once and good. Some even did 3, LoL, can get diver's batch already? Haha...

The tower was mad, 256steps in total, we also had to make war cries all the way up. Shagged man, I feel as feel my thighs were toned well into shape already, and also like I couldn't even control it while going down the steps.

Not that my flu and cough were getting any better with the cool dip, dive and climbing, they gave us curry noodles for breakfast. We rushed to change and later congratulate several senior cadets for getting their 3stripes. Next was a get-to-know talk with our PC and also the other instructors and the platoon too at the Cadets' Mess.

The school had christmas celebration programme just for us, it was quite fun, the Mc, teochew act, all the carolling, food wasn't bad just that there wasn't enough to go around by the time I reached the front of the queue.

Had a relaxing frisbie competition, my section lost out on all games, but at least gained by knowing each other. You can call it winning by other ways. The instructors barely won by a final score of 3-2 and by the way their team's name is 'Try-Me'. Haha...

Dinner packed at the wing common area, standardisation of the bunks, RO and rest. Tired man.

Thursday:

Today did 3km run already, 2laps around half of Safti MI, still manageable, just that I had to rush to the toilet straight after I finished the run, answer nature's call.

A day of leadership lectures, pretty dry but useful. Almost all those big shots in our wing, did the lectures on us.

Had a section bonding session with our section commander, LTA Isaac Ho. Played the 'wacko' game and the card game. Faisal and Gregory forfeited the last 2 rounds and had to do the passing of the card with only with the mouth. Super funny, whole section almost died of laughter. The card game, won 1 out of the 2, actually supposed to be 2, but Lester and I decided to call it a draw.

At a late night talk with out 3 platoon instructors, most of the guys were already very tired and barely taking in all the information. Really hope we can give the field camp a miss...

Friday:

Woke up as if I just closed my eyes, luckily no 5bx for today, straight to the cookhouse. The cats there were like all over with their mating calls and stuff, kinda hard to get some peace.

Gathered at the CA room for another PTI talk, learned quite useful information. Also not forgetting the silly things we did, shifting row by row and all that jumping jacks and bag over head.

Next up was the talk on our presentation skills, extremely useful and relevant to the things I know. The presenter really did a good job. Lunch was another rush, another talk by an retired COL on Singapore's diplomatic relations. To some extent were the information true, but truly an eye-opener.

Packed my pack 1 to 4, putting a lot of effort not to forget, especially pack 2! Couldn't really decide what to hear to bring me to sleep. Bags and room mostly packed for tomorrow's big rush, and also the IPPT category test.

Saturday-Sunday:

IPPT was pretty alright, rushed here and there because we didn't want to push back the timing of our bookout. Our breakfast and lunch were pathetic totally, insufficient for each and to go around too. Lectures at the Cadets' Mess and MA, watched parts of Band of Brothers, which were used to help aid the teaching of the values needed to instill in us.

A day of highs and lows of emotions, my sister and mom insisted on fetching me all the way from Tampines, even though they just left home, waited like a big fool. By the time they got there, I was the last few. Major jams in the highways, fell asleep.

Home at last, but not for long. Went to meet Wang Roan for dinner at Parco, Pasta Mania. Shopped a little for people's christmas present at Seiyu, then later to City Hall to meet Guang Liang. Haha, 'botak' head. Disturbed him a little, LoL, but when its time means its time, no choice.

Had to leave them to meet my cousins, went to his friend's house to play mahjong. Time flew very quickly from 10pm plus to next day 7am. Was very tired already, and walked in the heavy rain, had a quick bathe and jumped into bed, only 4hours of sleep to accumulate.

Another quick bathe, went to meet Xueyu for lunch at Takashimaya. Before that, helped her to shop her stuffs, then later mine, and finally hers again. The lunch was absolutely wonderful, I'm definietly going to eat it next time I'm there and also think about it when I'm back to camp tomorrow.

Went back to Tampines for the last gift, then on to Starbucks for a coffee. Talked a little, saw An Qi, doing bar test, and so happened the ones taking the test were friends of Xueyu. Small world indeed.

Met Serene to catch a movie, 'The Stone Family', pretty alright I guess. She did a little last minute shopping, before I sent her off to the train. Rushed home to get my stuffs straight into order. Tomorrow, back to square one again. 1week and 3days more before phase 2 starts... Sigh...

10:35 pm;

Monday:

Going into OCS was just like enlisting into BMT, the feeling of 'siansation'. But this time its slightly better. I always wanted to come here, worked hard in BMT, but now the situation is a little different.

Having lost some physical condition, it was somehow hard to begin with. At least try to make it through the first week? *Crossing fingers*

Safti MI is a really big place, we were oriented around it by jogging in our super skimpy pt kit. Other than the usual 'knock-it-down' here and there, everything pretty fine. A step at a time, would bring me closer to the final destination, with less worries and anxiety.

Tuesday:

Back to the usual 0545 fall in, the good old days. Pt a bit 'xiong', especially the part where we had to hold our legs up in the air while lying down. Pushup also can feel the strain from yesterday's counts. 'Nuai' already...

Half-naked, we did pt and went for a short jog, around 1.5km. It was still okie I guess. Still can manage. I also got my pt shirt exchanged to a XL, LoL, with all that rushing to fall in. Also had to drink from someone else's bottle.

Had a short MO briefing, both the army and navy people came for recruitment talks. PTI talk was a bit crazy, just totally spoilt the whole day. Changing sides and unable to count strength quickly enough.

Dinner took 10mins, platoon 1 got whacked pretty badly as I watched from the bunk. Tomorrow's 5metre confidence jump and tower would be pretty terrifying, slept at 2130, reverly would be 0500.

Wednesday:

Great TURN-OUT! At 4am man... I forgot to mention they took our watches and handphones last night. The reason was a fire drill, me and my buddy, Timothy, stayed in our room as LTA Ang told us to, being casualties? Lucky I guess, they got it downstairs...

The 5metre jump seemed short from the stadium, but long when I took the plunge. All I know was to get to the surface when I landed inside, do it once and good. Some even did 3, LoL, can get diver's batch already? Haha...

The tower was mad, 256steps in total, we also had to make war cries all the way up. Shagged man, I feel as feel my thighs were toned well into shape already, and also like I couldn't even control it while going down the steps.

Not that my flu and cough were getting any better with the cool dip, dive and climbing, they gave us curry noodles for breakfast. We rushed to change and later congratulate several senior cadets for getting their 3stripes. Next was a get-to-know talk with our PC and also the other instructors and the platoon too at the Cadets' Mess.

The school had christmas celebration programme just for us, it was quite fun, the Mc, teochew act, all the carolling, food wasn't bad just that there wasn't enough to go around by the time I reached the front of the queue.

Had a relaxing frisbie competition, my section lost out on all games, but at least gained by knowing each other. You can call it winning by other ways. The instructors barely won by a final score of 3-2 and by the way their team's name is 'Try-Me'. Haha...

Dinner packed at the wing common area, standardisation of the bunks, RO and rest. Tired man.

Thursday:

Today did 3km run already, 2laps around half of Safti MI, still manageable, just that I had to rush to the toilet straight after I finished the run, answer nature's call.

A day of leadership lectures, pretty dry but useful. Almost all those big shots in our wing, did the lectures on us.

Had a section bonding session with our section commander, LTA Isaac Ho. Played the 'wacko' game and the card game. Faisal and Gregory forfeited the last 2 rounds and had to do the passing of the card with only with the mouth. Super funny, whole section almost died of laughter. The card game, won 1 out of the 2, actually supposed to be 2, but Lester and I decided to call it a draw.

At a late night talk with out 3 platoon instructors, most of the guys were already very tired and barely taking in all the information. Really hope we can give the field camp a miss...

Friday:

Woke up as if I just closed my eyes, luckily no 5bx for today, straight to the cookhouse. The cats there were like all over with their mating calls and stuff, kinda hard to get some peace.

Gathered at the CA room for another PTI talk, learned quite useful information. Also not forgetting the silly things we did, shifting row by row and all that jumping jacks and bag over head.

Next up was the talk on our presentation skills, extremely useful and relevant to the things I know. The presenter really did a good job. Lunch was another rush, another talk by an retired COL on Singapore's diplomatic relations. To some extent were the information true, but truly an eye-opener.

Packed my pack 1 to 4, putting a lot of effort not to forget, especially pack 2! Couldn't really decide what to hear to bring me to sleep. Bags and room mostly packed for tomorrow's big rush, and also the IPPT category test.

Saturday-Sunday:

IPPT was pretty alright, rushed here and there because we didn't want to push back the timing of our bookout. Our breakfast and lunch were pathetic totally, insufficient for each and to go around too. Lectures at the Cadets' Mess and MA, watched parts of Band of Brothers, which were used to help aid the teaching of the values needed to instill in us.

A day of highs and lows of emotions, my sister and mom insisted on fetching me all the way from Tampines, even though they just left home, waited like a big fool. By the time they got there, I was the last few. Major jams in the highways, fell asleep.

Home at last, but not for long. Went to meet Wang Roan for dinner at Parco, Pasta Mania. Shopped a little for people's christmas present at Seiyu, then later to City Hall to meet Guang Liang. Haha, 'botak' head. Disturbed him a little, LoL, but when its time means its time, no choice.

Had to leave them to meet my cousins, went to his friend's house to play mahjong. Time flew very quickly from 10pm plus to next day 7am. Was very tired already, and walked in the heavy rain, had a quick bathe and jumped into bed, only 4hours of sleep to accumulate.

Another quick bathe, went to meet Xueyu for lunch at Takashimaya. Before that, helped her to shop her stuffs, then later mine, and finally hers again. The lunch was absolutely wonderful, I'm definietly going to eat it next time I'm there and also think about it when I'm back to camp tomorrow.

Went back to Tampines for the last gift, then on to Starbucks for a coffee. Talked a little, saw An Qi, doing bar test, and so happened the ones taking the test were friends of Xueyu. Small world indeed.

Met Serene to catch a movie, 'The Stone Family', pretty alright I guess. She did a little last minute shopping, before I sent her off to the train. Rushed home to get my stuffs straight into order. Tomorrow, back to square one again. 1week and 3days more before phase 2 starts... Sigh...

10:35 pm;

Sunday:

Everytime life comes to a standstill, or the when it comes to the beginning of another chapter... I'll start thinking again...

About what you ask...?

Everthing... From the time I first drew breath, till now. Both happy and unhappy thoughts.

I like it, but yet dislike it. Whether the decision was right or not, time will tell.

Being in a different league, has its price to pay. But I'm glad I have it to make a difference, especially to the people whom I called friends. You are my friends no matter what, even though I rejected your help and advice many a times.

My definition of the word friend is totally a different context, if you know me well enough, you would realise it. I'm just like that, never will it change.

My uncle's house is a nice place, very windy and high too. The view is great, bringing me closer to the sky. Hope this next phase would be over quickly, especially the 10days in Brunei. Take care my friends... Hope my parents come home safety too...

10:44 pm;

Tuesday:

Another day of badminton, this time its all friendly, but there goes Tze How again, second consecutive singles match with him. I talked to some of the guys from 130 BWC, gave me some good advice on the things to come, thanks a lot. The guys from 08/05 AGC also were a great sight to see, all the fun we had back then!

I had to cover SDO at 1230 but the classroom was locked, so I couldn't change and stuff. While waiting in the AGC room, talked a little to the new guys. Chong Wee is really 'lao jiao', can't believe man, ORD in 2000. Was shocked to see that guy came back to replace me, there were some funny things that happened in the office too.

Wednesday:

Body aching everywhere, same with the rest, so we skipped on morning sports today. Spent most of the time in the classroom. We also collected our entry papers, something which wasn't really very welcomed.

Thursday:

Badminton as usual, we hooked up to senior's network and got wild! It was really very fun, especially with the teamwork and stuff. More training for me too! Johnathan had to go to the industrial estate so I showed him the way, also getting a ride home too.

Met up with Boon Hwee at the arcade, ran a few laps, took a bus to Aloha Changi. Got lost, somehow found our way there, where we watched the group under camouflage and concealment. I kinda knew what would happen, but I still came despite knowing all of that.

We spent most of time listening to them sing the songs, some of which my sisters also always hear, have a mini concert, talent time, and a quiet session of acceptance. We skipped some stones at the beach to kill some time, and see people fishing.

Reluctantly, we found ourselves eating, kinda embarassing though. Met a few people with the usual hi and bye. Went to Changi Village and I had to see that 'thing'. Unlucky man! Lucky got Wang Roan with me, if not... Helped her to buy and bring the drinks she bought, walked along the coastal line, to Changi Sailing Club, a place of wonderful memories.

Took a cab back as it was already quite late, met my sister at the gate. Axn was showing Kung Fu Hustler at like 0100? Kinda a little off timing? Tired...

Friday:

Time flew by very quickly in the morning, then later in the afternoon, and also in the night. Looking back, time really had eluded me quickly enough...

Saturday:

I packed all my stuffs, just hoping that everything goes well during Christmas and New Year. Went out with my sister to buy my sister's present, and also to receive her LSA, from a Bistrol Bar? Too bad those people don't remember me anymore, but I still do.

Met up with Serene and Peiyun at Cartel, ate, talked, drank and ate. The cherry part was really funny, so was that waiter whom I think had a liking to Serene. The times that we had, were really great and also went for a little supper at a foodcourt. We only stopped when Serene's mom called, sounding very angry. We should do it more often, don't you agree?

1:30 pm;

At first, there was no intention, only until when one is being accused, the line is crossed. Automatic thing do to is defend, and perhaps offense at the same time, but it's not worth it. Why waste the effort?

What for? Only when you come into my league, then step up and challenge me. Until then, go train, plan, outwit, backstab, hate or think, do whatever it takes to achieve it. But I suggest that you give up on that idea. Why? Your weakness, limits your potential. Don't ask me what, I told you before already.

Don't even try at all. It's futile. A leopard never changes its spots.

Do you think by telling me to do what I do best is the best thing you can suggest? Come on, give me a break. You know nothing.

What you see is what you get. Isn't it? Don't give me those assumptions. You know why? I told you before also. But I bet you never remember the important things I told you. You all are the same, just need a ear, never use the thing between your ears.

The line HAD been crossed, proceed and there won't be anymore hesitation and leniency spared. I'll show you the real thing for sure. Final warning.

Very nicely phrased already. Dont push it.

10:48 pm;

Monday:

Back to work finally, after a week or two of rest. Feels good actually! Played badminton with the guys, and I ranked 6th place! We six were battling out singles in league style, and I crashed out in style. Walked over the 5th-6th ranking match, no point in fighting for glory at the wrong end of the table you see. But in doubles, me and Jian Ling wrecked team after team, ruled the court for the all challenges. Magnifico~!

The day ended pretty fast, along with some SK (what's new) and some fun. Haha! Way to go! I got caught in the jam, extremely 'rushful' (no such word). I made it in the nick of the time, thanks to Boon Hwee for getting and holding on to it for me. He always very free, I don't know why. Envious?

The concert was fine. I must comment on the poor dress conduct, especially representing the band. The first band, Sparke! didn't make much inpression, just that the two conductors taking it were kinda big shots. That's all I remember. Smith! wasn't that pretty too. Solos were bad for such an event, distinctive people could be heard (poor balancing) and what's with that special entrance? There is no me (that person) in team (band).

Barnes! by far was the best band I've heard. I could hear the organ sounds quite often, especially when Mr Sim was conducting the band for the two songs. Very good! The choices of the songs were good too! Technically expressive, with good entertainment value. Shi Yong did well, surprised to see Crystal too. Kinda remind me of Fel, with the similar hair style and colour.

Reed! was second best. The technical expects shown were excellent, especially by the flute 1s, and much of the woodwinds too. The oboe dude is a great player, but must keep in mind he's playing in a band, his projection is many of a times too much. But there were instances of the bass covering up him, good good. Percussion impressive but not precise at certain times. Festival March is a very nice piece, and now I remember why I like the "Happy Ending" from the Inn Of The Sixth Happiness. Thanks to Hwa Ee who sparked the recovery of my memory.

All in all, the concert got better towards the end, other than the fact the guest-of-honour was late by 15mins, several screamers, it was fine. The standard of the Bandfest have deproved quite significantly. And oh Mr Takehrio Oura is 'su goi'!! My source of inspiration during those two years. Non of the members really did make much of an impression, kind of a let down.

Don't do this to me anymore. It doesn't work no more. Bear this in your mind, hardly...

12:38 am;

Friday:

Life is that fragile... To think that just last saturday we were having supper together, where everyone's how they would be just like in vs and came this shocking news. Theodore broke the news to me.

They he laid, bruises and cuts everywhere, eyes swollen, prohibiting from opening his eyes. I'm really glad Faisal's all right. Considering the accident that happened, he was already very lucky. It was just that night which I told him I can't ride his bike and he was all puzzled about it. His never give up attitude never changes.

We met his parents too, mom almost broke into tears. At least now he remembers who we are, but he speaks quite unusually. Jihad visited him last night but he was asleep. To think that we had to find him in the Super Intensive Care Unit. But all is well now I guess, he was about to be transferred into a normal ward later in the evening.

The hospital and this incident sparked a lot of thoughts in me... About how precious life is... We can only live it this once, no matter how safe you drive, it just takes another's foolishness to create trouble. I've been to this hospital a few times already, but never had a chance to stay in. I sound like I do want to get admitted right? I rather not ok.

The incident where Boon Hwee concussed his head while playing soccer. We even called the ambulance, kinda like what Sophian had encountered once. The times where this person was admitted during the prelims period, I was with her almost all the time. Even when visiting hours were over, I stayed till the nurses chases me home. It was a very hard time for her, especially on the fact exams were on, implications of her A's, financial costs to her parents. Now I know why my prelims were kinda screwed up... I was even late for the afternoon paper (first time in my whole life) when I visited her after the morning paper!

I got sand stuck in my eye during my vs band's bbq and had a thorough check there, as it was like in the wee morning, I saw a guy covered in blood being rolled into the emergency ward. In the end, there was nothing at all... But I did felt something... Another time was the throat infection i got during bmt where I almost got admitted, those terrible nights I had at home, the fever that haunted me at night. The thorough checks in preparation for that particular event. Just hate the hospital aura.

How long will life be...? Destined? Fated? Irregardless of our actions? Think about it...

1:11 am;

As the day draw closer, I can only look back at the amount of time I had, wishing I had really spent it well, with the people I want so there won't be any regrets.

Sunday:

I spent the evening with Mazlinah, jogging around Tampines, this time clockwise. I usually go anticlockwise with my bike though. I'll venture further ground next few days, perhaps Hougang or Sengkang, could use a better get-to-know the place there.

Just glad that she liked the bunny I bought from Australia, I had a great time too. Mr Chonghui came messaging me to go play pool, then later asked me to organise and coordinate. Ultimate already... A quick dinner and bathe before rushing to meet them at parkway.

I kind of forgot which floor, so I tried from 6 all the way to 10, floor by floor. The games were fine, we ended early because of tomorrow's chalet, Kenneth Lim left us and the three of us went for supper at Simpang Bedok. The milo and tea I drank was as if the condensed milk was free. I was lucky to find out that bus 10 was still operating, so I saved on the cab fare.

Monday-Wednesday::

Cycling in the evening, circling around the area, wondering when's the best time. Thanks to insider reports, I arrived at prime time. Now the place is in the back of my hands already. I ate a little, went to buy drinks with Kiong Wee, Sujin, Jason, Michelle, Wang Rong, Kuang Liang and Shi Rong. Went a few laps with Mr Pro at the arcade, haha lost at the last turn again.

After that was games of Super Bastard, Azfar was like constantly shuffling the cards. It was a great laugh the the jc1 guys. Next was the game of Idiot, that's how I called it. Many of my batch people played that for last year's New Year's Eve barbeque. The game was kind of scaled down a lot. That lucky guy got two girls' number you know? Not like last time where you had to kiss someone (not very appealing) or do some pole dancing you know? I'm sure Wei Lun knows best! =p

The game made a lot of 'Hu Ha' so more came, and the outcome didn't really change. This time it was Ken Lim, even though he took over from Michelle, who was a little high with all the drinking. Tsk tsk.

Many fell to the Z monsters, while a group of us went to watch the sunrise and eat breakfast. I still can't forget the best sunset I saw, from the plane on the way home. The journey home was fast, I just can't take my eyes off my bike, simply too good!

Took a nice bathe, watched an episode of Naruto before catching forty winks. Had to call here and there, organising the lan outing at Grand Link Mall. It was a success, 8 people coming including me. The CS was kinda great, nothing feels better when you're winning. The dota game hanged on us, but I'm still quite an amatuer at it.

Need for Speed also came along where everyone had their individual battles. Ken Lim and I battling for top spots while the others constantly switching places here and there. MOHAA was very funny, especially after the both of us. Haha.

The games ended at 10pm, how time passes. We ate at Bedok Interchange, and boy was I hungry. Realised I only ate breakfast for the whole day. Got back to the chalet, played some bridge and super bastard games before everyone decided to turn in at around 3 in the morning.

Checked out around 1030, went home on 21 with Ken Lim. I was fine till around 3pm, before I concussed until 9pm, where I went for dinner with my parents. My poor cousin is enlisting tomorrow. The feeling really sucked, I understand.

11:31 pm;

A nice day to remember. =p

It began with a trip to Elias Mall and then around Tampines, I finally get my hands on my baby. So glad. Had to run from place to place, weather kind of played us out too.

So I would like to thank bimbo wand with all the help and time he spent, easing the effort for the arrival of the baby. And also my dear cousin, Edmund for accompanying and lending me use his bikes. The conversation during lunch was something to remember about, especially the part where the both of us recalled who came out with the 'twist' signature.

Next was some basic training for my future BWC life in AFS. I guess I've improved a lot. We also nailed some Vietcongs, ran the dirt tracks and filled others with bullets. bOrinG, LoL, what a nickname.

I rushed by cab to vs, thanks to poor direction by Baldwin and the cab driver didn't even know his way. But he advised me not to take civil engineering, no matter what. I'll heed it.

At the reception, this band member ushered me towards him. This part is interesting.

"Erm... Are you an alumni...?"

"Err... Yeah I guess..."

"Could you please fill this form up...?"

"Erm... What's it for...?"

"Oh so we can contact you in the future about..."

"Can I don't fill it up...?" I interupted.

"Can cannot...?" He showed a little facial disagreement.

"Don't need la..."

"Need la..."

"Hmmm what are these...?" I pointed. (Change subject...)

"Oh those are our new band shirts, wanna get one of those...?" He bleamed.

"Oh I have plenty of those already at home, thanks..."

"Then how about tickets to the concert...?"

"Oh my friend already got my share... Thanks a lot..." I left hastily.

With him around, I'm pretty sure sales are totally up!

The first person I saw was Mr Anuar, missed that guy. Really glad he's back to lead the band. There were lots of the juniors and also Jihad, Faisal, Bladwin, Eugene Yap, Theodore, the loudest people you ever need for a concert. I played in the alumni, just like how Nat Seet used to come gate crashing when I was still a member. Totally impromto! I even saw Farhan... 'Kope' my programme booklet somemore! And also Amanda? Good potential in selling products or insurance in the future! Haha...

Not like some other BAND, even though I went most of the practices and just can't make it for the last two practices due to my work, they have every right to kick you out because of that crappy reason. Please use your brains will you? Lesson learnt, no way, anymore. I should have followed my seniors footsteps... Now I know how they feel. Totally disappointed in myself.

We played, chatted, sang the anthem with pride, cheered like there's no tomorrow, ate out just like the old days. Man those were the days, no regrets at all, absolutely! Too bad I won't be around for the next one...

By the time I got home, I was 5 plus past midnight. What a night. What to say...? Some things are better left unsaid... Is that true?

Here what I got to say, sometimes you don't have to look any further to solve certain things, it's just within you, whether you want to make the effort or just live life as it is. The promise I made can't fulfilled just by me alone, no matter how the good the plan or suggestion. It takes two to clap doesn't it? Two wings to fly? Two legs to walk?

I don't want to give in to you anymore, because indirectly I'm giving in to the ones whom you are giving in to. I'm hope that's not the both of us want isn't it? At least let me keep my promise, before I have no time or opportunity left, please?

Off to the roads I go.

2:38 am;

Just had a major quarrel with my dad. It all boiled down to the promise he made to me.

"Son, if you make it to university (local only), I would work till you graduate to pay for it, where I will retire and then go back to Malaysia".

Two years ago, I was in a big mess. I got tons of commitment, many of them coming from band. My studies were down the drain, either I managed to scrap through, or I would flung them. I guess that's the best encouragement a father could give to his son, in the form of a small promise.

Yes, a promise. But he broke it.

Study loan? Fine. Then don't give empty promises to your own son in the first place. Now with my current situation, I'm lucky that my university fees are covered. And yes, no thanks to him.

First you stopped me from pursuing sailing when I was in primary. Then it was band in secondary. And even disapproved of me realising my dream now?

I had enough. It's not that I didn't make your wish come through by being the only person to be in university from our family. I always what you wanted, constantly chasing the expectations you wanted. Even studying in Victoria was YOUR choice, not mine. I just wanted to go to a nearby school. Everything is about YOU, YOU and YOU. Never about ME!

Even when I was in Australia, where I came upon this cross junction in my life, you haunted me. The next day's test would determine whether I could continue on to pursue my dreams, depending on how I performed. Do you know how it feels to do something that your own most beloved dad doesn't even approve or support you? I even thought of failing it, intentionally.

All this was not enough for you? It's never enough isn't it? Never. I had enough.

I going to go get some breeze, and that place would be just the spot. Heck the rain, nothing's going to stop me anymore.

9:23 pm;

30/11

The brakes gave out on me, leaving me with only the left side, which controls the back wheel. What a shocking moment that was, seems like the wire snapped while I was going downhill near Anglican High Sec.

Past few days of cycling have been lucky. Avoided the rain, checked out many new roads and paths, saw a lot of things. Have bike, will travel. Hope I can get my hands on the new bike asap, with it I can go further than Marine Parade, without worrying about the brakes. But first, the black or the gold?

East Coast Park is a place to be, great place to ride through there especially after they widened the cycling paths. The view and wind is great too. I just love the beach.

I guess it wasn't entirely your fault, I had some part to play too. You could say that I'm pretty tired of living up to that image that I had kept for those years. One thing for sure, it doesn't pay to be kind, unless you don't mind being used. Kinda ironic...

I hate the new format of the blog, can't set the date back to the one I want, pretty hard to date back...

12:14 am;