I got yet another dream. A dream of someone whom who meant to me a lot, so much that both our lives revolve around each other. Opened my eyes, made me who I am today, mostly the good part. Even the way we met each other, was purely fate. I believe in fate. You are the one.
You know I spent these two days watching the complete series of GodFather, and it related to me somehow.
As much as people have told me about my foresight, wisdom at my age and ability to help people, I didn't believe it at all. But I know it did help them. But I still didn't buy it.
Look at me, who am I to advice people about their love/hate relationships when I've never been in one? It's so ironic isn't it? They say learning from others' mistakes and experience is the cheapest and best you can ever get. I did that, but I still don't buy it.
Only through hardship and suffering will one truly learn their lesson. I learnt that from my mentor, Shufen. She had to go through all those tough times, see those ugly faces, convince those who disbelieve her, get teachers to approve her ways, so and on forth. All I had to do was listen to her, learn and apply correctly.
One thing I still do not know, even up till today. After graduating for one and the half years. Did I ever do my job right? Have I applied those lessons she taught me successfully onto the band? One thing for sure, that I know, I never found a successor to what I learnt from her.
But why should I pass it on? I was not the one that she chose to fully groom, it was another close friend of mine. What I learnt from her was all because of my ability to pickup fast, and also other skills that I picked up over the years.
But I did pass some on, but to different people that suits them. Not all onto one, won't make the mistake my mentor did. Eventually they got what they should have, and helped in what it should have been. They were my eyes and ears, unknowingly making things better without them even realising it.
I felt as though they were being manipulated, being used like puppets on strings, pawns in a game of chess. My only consolation was their end result, the gold award and also the friendships that they made, and also no harm, friendships, feelings were hurt. That's more than enough for anyone, even me, whom always has high expectations.
Politics ain't dirty, its how you apply it. That's one of the most important lesson I've learnt. Using it to 'stab' someone is truly dirty. But using it in your power to run an organisation successfully ain't so. I believed it. My mentor showed me. And you persuaded me. But not everyone can tempt themselves away from the cake. I saw many great people fell because of it.
Looking back, I felt I've helped people too much and eventually foregoing my own interest. I gave up on my studies, interests, family just for them. And now, my life is partially a mess, like how my room is even since part of my table broke apart. LoL.
On the day I left for Tamworth for my one month of training in Australia, I've received many beautiful gifts from many friends. I'm looking forward to the day I would be leaving for Perth for 10-12 months. Ironically, I don't look forward to leaving too. I'll miss everything. They say late August?
I wish for more time so I can spend more time with my friends, what if something was to happen there? Lots of incidents have been troubling the squadron over there. But also wish to depart earlier, for I want my 21st birthday to be right here in Singapore.
Thank you Shufen and you (there only can be one), you two are the greatest thing that happened in my life during college.
2:14 pm;